I noticed it's only been 2 weeks that i started college .But I realised over these couple of days im sad.
It's like just walking and like I have no expressions left.I also loosed weight I realised my tummy is flat I lost appetite in food. I also have no detailed feelings , perhaps I just dont feel like talking to them. Or probably that I replaced them with a slice of sweetness. Yes I miss sweet things. And it's starting to rot my heart and im  out of inspiration. I thought that sadness was just an expression and it did not effect my life due to my numbness. I also make my room smelly with my dirty clothes, dirty thoughts..I'm just not happy anymore , I don't think there is a cure . But my life has been quite miserable. Just imagine waking up at 5.30 am showered all clothes ironed.Than skip breakfast and some slice of happy time.It's like i'm having food hallucinations of burgers, cakes and nutty doughnuts. It's like those cravings become a daydream , i tasted those dreams turns out what i craved for was salty.Those dreams did not taste good at all. I'm not really focused anymore. And since I have'nt planned my happy time im just hopeless. Froget of those silly burgers and those silly cakes. Atleast I should been more thankful. But than these shopping online made my brain crave for cheese. It's like I desire something that i wont get. But this is what my reality is. I mean it's just hard to say I'm just not this college material anymore.And people like sharing selfies together , while people use instagram. I don't use instagram anymore because I dont really exist as friends there you know. I just feel like deleting all the pictures there.There's too much mess  there and  I dont have style there.Yes i'm complaining atleast this will make me happier.This is my New friend Mek'ah thesilly cat