:(

my room is a mess. more complaining nice. i wish i never met this person. i will tell who. But i guess you would already know. My life must be some lie. Maybe I should leave this life too. Non existent hmm.I wish things better, Keeps getting worse. But just stay cool and do not lit the fire. I do not like the word cool. But , you know how things are bit weird. I just have to keep being lazy in this mess. 
Maybe I should froget  FROG ET  

But i'm scared about future , because things would not be the same anymore, I feel like I would not be accepted by this . But the internet is not real anyway. It's just a projection of our reality. What if our real life is not even real. Born into this family. With all details. I know people do not think like me. But why do we wake up everyday. Death does not mean that , in reality we keep to continue. I  feel neglected by myself and made the bad choices. People are tired of my excuses anyway. I love failure. Now that I am no longer tidy person. My room has accomplished to a mess. Which is what i wanted in the first place. I am not stable. Why are rainbows sad , upside down smiles. But its just the same things I go through. My relationship will never last long anyway. I do not want to fall for it. But It never existed anyway. But of course I am lying. The truth is suppose to be private. Because we are imbaresed  idk how to spell 

Now that I think of it . I did not do anything. But Its just hard to say that . Nothing actually happend. Because Nothing is real. People only think its real because of majority people thinking the same way.
I also hate people swearing . I do not want to mix people with this. Some people are just not what i seem to like . Do you understand me ,. It's hard to say that I am not choosing the future.  But i did decide to do it. You wont understand me anyway. I do think majority of people will think the same.

Maybe he is hiding from me. Or just feels A N G E R Y  because i blocked him and does not wish to see me. But sometimes he feels like replying. I do not know anymore. I have not been through much relationships, Because I feel better alone. But now permanent markers just stay. Its like forever.
Maybe he does not like to be handled . I guess that is my bad. Jasper does not like being cat handled
I just want to ask you . But I guess you want to run away . I get it. If you leave that is ok tooo.


Im very stupid for making this decision and i hope things will burn away.