why i hate my life

Everyone who is reading this . Everyone seems to hate me. Even I hate myself. Anyway the reason why I am making this is because I Do Not want to Vlog anymore. I noticed I keep attracting haters. I really do not like my family anymore. Why do they always tell me whats right. I think I actually lost my freedom. It's like I want to go far far far away from here. I find it hard to realise that everyone in my family is selfish. Why am I the one who is ignored. OMG

 someone joined me it is Benny!

People be like memes

More of making my life better

1.BEnny

2.Milo drink

sweet Nona is here too

:(

my room is a mess. more complaining nice. i wish i never met this person. i will tell who. But i guess you would already know. My life must be some lie. Maybe I should leave this life too. Non existent hmm.I wish things better, Keeps getting worse. But just stay cool and do not lit the fire. I do not like the word cool. But , you know how things are bit weird. I just have to keep being lazy in this mess. 
Maybe I should froget  FROG ET  

But i'm scared about future , because things would not be the same anymore, I feel like I would not be accepted by this . But the internet is not real anyway. It's just a projection of our reality. What if our real life is not even real. Born into this family. With all details. I know people do not think like me. But why do we wake up everyday. Death does not mean that , in reality we keep to continue. I  feel neglected by myself and made the bad choices. People are tired of my excuses anyway. I love failure. Now that I am no longer tidy person. My room has accomplished to a mess. Which is what i wanted in the first place. I am not stable. Why are rainbows sad , upside down smiles. But its just the same things I go through. My relationship will never last long anyway. I do not want to fall for it. But It never existed anyway. But of course I am lying. The truth is suppose to be private. Because we are imbaresed  idk how to spell 

Now that I think of it . I did not do anything. But Its just hard to say that . Nothing actually happend. Because Nothing is real. People only think its real because of majority people thinking the same way.
I also hate people swearing . I do not want to mix people with this. Some people are just not what i seem to like . Do you understand me ,. It's hard to say that I am not choosing the future.  But i did decide to do it. You wont understand me anyway. I do think majority of people will think the same.

Maybe he is hiding from me. Or just feels A N G E R Y  because i blocked him and does not wish to see me. But sometimes he feels like replying. I do not know anymore. I have not been through much relationships, Because I feel better alone. But now permanent markers just stay. Its like forever.
Maybe he does not like to be handled . I guess that is my bad. Jasper does not like being cat handled
I just want to ask you . But I guess you want to run away . I get it. If you leave that is ok tooo.


Im very stupid for making this decision and i hope things will burn away.   

My antisocial life gap.

Wow people hanging out with each other. Pretending that they single. blergh. what a waste of time. I
think that people just do not care about me. I rather not be fake friends. I also hate twitter. THAT PLACE IS MOST ANNOYING.

The cruel life of Bepis ....

Today pegaffy has made a choice . Yesh a berry wise choice! I have made a new Social Media Account. Feel's weird , but I must take risks. I know I am a noob Level 3 . But trust me all will be revealed. I know this isn't my first instagram. But my second. So hopefully someone who actually cares follow me. Because I'm not having a great time. I deleted my Insta back in late June. But Now on Halloween I decided to make a change, I've Isolated myself very much. But with hope from friends you can now decide to make me feel happier. I basically failed at SOCIALIZING. Soz this is very painful for me to see everyone happy. I did not get back the feedback that I needed. I HAVE SEEN HAPPY PEOPLE. but onece I seen its fake . I no longer rely on it. Ignorance hurts me the must since I need a little attention even if its 1 second of 3 sentences of yours!

Goodbye Him

When I bought the strawberries it already bloomed a flower, but afterwards The strawberry grew . But I did not pick it . So it molded. Months went , and days of sorrow because I could not bring it with me. The tree died .The pathogen spread quickly but silently. My love was dying anyway,. I tried to water. And the crown rot. I did send him attention , kindness ,frogiveness. But he just ignores me . I do not feel the same way anymore. Ever since , he took all the sweetness . It is not his fault. The other tree grew Big Beautiful. The runners became more and more . But the wind hit my Strawberry tree breaking the stem. So I dug the strawberry plant . And removed all the runners. Leaving one stem to remain. I am quiet sad. My strawberry seeds wont grow. Because It is impatient love. Now that it is rotten . I nurse the plant. But pampering you is poison too. I do not understand why the start he liked me. I was very confused. But I fell in  love with instance , Which makes sense why . I do not understand why I am used. This time people are just going to love than throw me in the garbage. Where I belong is in the Landfill. The truth hurts but we have to go through it. What do I do now . Why does not, People get married , I understand . But I guess Its just not for me. Its just that the society pressure's me. Because Everyone at this age is getting married, But I do not want to be played. It is possible to completely froget someone . Because It is haunting me, What have I become
a monster. What did I do to you. Because everytime I want to aproach you just get away from me.

Everything does not last forever, I guess that It's just nothing. Everyone go's through this. I do not understand why. But the future is secret. If we know the secret now . Than it will be useless , and people will be more unbothered to know.

I Hate myself

Ok I have been addicted to snapchat

I never used it soo much

But Now that people actually look at my stories.

I said  alot of nasty things to #caleb

I know but it is the only way to make him reply

I could not sleep very well last night

My room is a mess.

I still have not signed up for  college

Like if someone even cares

I do not think that he would want to even talk to me

But Now I know that I am nothing to him

Things I want off my chest and brain

It looks like i'm living the sad life.I really am sad.I keep on avoiding social media.I stopped college.I do not not know any idea why I live in sadness.I only went offline for a week. It's not like . I just don't know i feel really misrable. I hunger for potatoes and pizza.

Now that, im not in college I can do whatever I want.I really stopped opening every single social media.I go for some chat's on hobbo .But it seems that there's nothing much interesting. The chats seem boring.Hipster outfits seem to be more mainstream .I really do not like it anymore. Its getting annoying just like Anime. But whatever I've done to my life. Well nothing much seems that I just want a slice of a sandwhich.My spelling is kinda bad.

I tried vlogging one day than I completely quitted it . Ugh. It's just not going the right way. Im not even going to cook. Its really annoying waking everyday to be told what to do.I really hate it.I even tried cleaning the house.Im really angry about it. I really hate my life right now.I do not want to do the chores.It's like I do not even have real friends. You know even if they were they would be boring.

I really have a lot of things that I hate.I just do not know , where to start.I mean you reading this right now reading that i am complaining making myself to get over it.I really hate it. I mean the college the lecturers.I only want to be alone now.It's best I do absolutely nothing. I'll tell myself when I' am ready.