I realised I was never happy in college.I looked back at the March posts to May .None of them had happy things about how I did happy in college.Everyday was just unbearable .My heart did'nt feel good either.I did'nt feel happy in college or healthy.Friends help a ton , but my heart was'nt .I should of known by the start.I feel really dizzy.I also developed suicidal thoughts of myself.Im just not a doormat anymore, I just dont deserve being one anyway.I'm a thoughtful person.The same thing I will sign up for college.But i'm still hesitating.When you are accepted I felt really happy.Those days are gone.Those expectations were honestly really high when the reality not so true.I was not happy at all
i'm being 100% honest.I wont ask for college just yet.I am thinking of different things.I'm developing brainwashing myself to just discard all those sad memories.I want to know how to be more happier in college .

college was tooo much for me. It sucked my life so bad.I'm really sad how I'm treated in the real world I mean I don't think it's right.I quit that college because how I'm treated nasty.I really don't text
anyone back.I know I really have to cope with it but I'm trying to be polite. But  really I'm not happy at that college.Specially if the lecturers are way underestimating me. And I noticed a lot of that.Maybe I just don't belong there anymore , no matter how much people that I helped at the community college. I risked my emotions there.But let's face it college gives you less sleep.And less energy.My face turned pale. It really made my life sad worse.I tried finishing my work. But I guess
I  frogot about it , because my work was unaccomplished. But seeing all the things I've been through
It's just the first semester. I'm not saying college is a bad place .I have time issues even friend issues
and seems like I have to accept it.I see other people smile and joke around , I just don't think I'm part of that anymore.

I just feel that I'm not that special. I was nervous about orientation. It scared the heck out of me.It was just like the dreams when I always in that moment where things just risk at a small amount of time.After only about 1/2 of months which is now I just stopped college. Of course I'm still friendly
But I just think I deserve better.People get angry even cry for better place. I will still sign up for college again , and I tried sharing my thought's with everyone. It really helped me a lot. But after what i saw and risked I should be more effortless.I did not know that all those things were planned
Next , time I should give more time and energy .Well only 30% on the lecturer.The other 70%  I should actually look at the work that I'm suppose to be doing.I was not ready.It would be better if  I knew all of that. So next time I mean I should not participate in any events. If I studied at home everything would be finished
But because college risk time , emotion and agility I had no hope there . The fact is that college only teaches you a small amount of things that the whole world knows.I just make lot's of mistakes.


Now , that I'm no longer In college I would like to think more about important things like my health
I really took advice from people. I want to spend more time offline. I actually belief that I'm not good enough. Now that I wont able to participate there anymore. I just want  to say it's just the first semester I mean I've been there for only a week.The truth is that I'm just not good enough there.I don't want to participate in any event's if I could finish everything.Most of what i learned really bugged me off.Like in 32 people in the class room there is always  2 people who always underestimate me. The only thing I got was being sad.

Through communication  I mean there are annoying things that I should stop thinking of like. Through app's the groups make you worry way too much.It would be better if I did not even download it. I mean there would be always someone complaining.But thing is mobile internet communication isn't really that important.I mean that made me really stressed out . I know people want to know about my progress . But really you can't blame me for everything.I'm just a human like everyone elss. It only helped a little in my  group.


But other than that some people just need full attention. I'm not one of those person. I can't respond a little of it,
I want to help.But people need to understand to respect each other.  Friend's aren't really the place to give all your thoughts away on the phone. I rather like to speak to people and give notes that are much important to me thank you .But by group It helped worked in groups a lot.Because its not the same information. So if  I want to know It's better to have a second number for  only important messages the other people I do not really respond . If  there is like group works. I really depend on whatsapp
I really need to know why whatsapp is sooo important It did not really help me as much . But I did help a lot of people even from the start. I mean  I helped a lot of people. But after all the event's that I had I really became more sad depressing and my critical low energy. The problem with me is that I have low energy. I'm trying to be more polite.But for my health I really need to skip few classes Because I need to finish more work .I should even skip events.Because I want to think about my work. College doesn't have to be North Korea everyday,But you do really need whatsapp for my dad to come and pick me up.But I really don't want to use it. I'm really happy I helped a lot of people.Instead of myself being more I dont know . I have high problems on time.Maybe I should see my lecturer to finish a little work .That's a better way I think.That way you wont have to feel guilty.


Ok now I need to say or elaborate my personal issue's. The first thing that come's in mind that is I'm to shy. I mean I don't like it when people tell me what I cant do. So I really stick to others main objective.Which is good thing. I do like being in groups.It's just a certain things I'm not compatible with people. I tend to ignore it .But actually It's really important.Friend's are really important.I don't like asking there for if i don't ask I just ignore the whole idea. I'm not trying to be rude to not reply.But you have to understand that I'm trying to have a little time to solve everything . I need to keep in mind that  I have a lot of other choices. It's more ok to just froget it all.Whatsapp only helps a little. It's better to be without it you know.Dealing with a number of group intentions will make you more depressing. But the good thing is that I finish loads of work. You need everything arranged an correct order. So  I should not risk whole of my thoughts on other agenda's.People aren't shocked if I stop college , maybe only a few. But I already made my own decision.

I'm going to order everything I need . I should even buy  a printer you know.I do really need it !!!