okay so it's end of holiday and im pretty sad because im not prepared I wish i had a diary to oh my Iwant a diary so bad!!! i never kept a diary for so long. :(( I wish I had one . I want a diary so I could write the sad days!!Its so super important because im being really sad in college!!I have'nt opened my old email in years!!!!I have to go pray quick !I want to make vlogs!!!I never started youtube.I want to have happier life I need to finish my work quick as in college homework!!!







Omg i thought everyone frogot about me and like that was quite sad!But when i went to social people talked to me . I'm so blessed that I actually have friends to talk to !

procastination day

since im on holiday ive been extra lazy!.I recently cleaned my room , and made an organizer from a shoe box.I feel quite extra sad today. Probably because i'm not in mood.I'm suppose to finish my sewing homework since i took fashion  this first semester. I'm gonna make videos TOMORROW if i got time .AND i'll create a mini doll fashion . And make an instagram account for my barbie fashion line. All i want is to take a walk and eat some sweet things    😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀💔🔽❤💗💗😃😁😙😍😈😅😻😻🙂😊😼😇😺😄😸 Okay so YEA i got to write more because my life is so sad!!!!!

MY LIFE IS STRESSFULL SERIOUSLY LIKE GOING HOME REALLY LATE I FEEL LIKE A LIVING ZOMBIE NO I DONT WANT TO STAY WITH FRIENDS I NEED MY LONELY PLACE TO CHILL OK I GOT ALOT OF WORK TO FINISH LIKE SERIOUSLY PEOPLE ARE GIVING UP ON ME BECAUSE I ISOLATE MYSELF  OK ROUGH TIME I NEED TO FINISH ALL MY HOMEWORK!!!!RIGHT NOW IM REALLY LAZY!!!!!

hectic week of college I still need to find stuff for my college I still  have alot to do . The amount of pressure is just ridiculous .People getting in their skin while i'm getting dizzy, hungry and thirsty .The lecturers been  really high on anger as all ways.I'm not making much friends either because probably their busy i'm busy too. I have to clean my room this weekend. On monday I start on a good day so I don't have to really worry.My work will finish late because i'm not in mood to finish my work .So I'm kind of focusing in more stuff.And when my work will finish.As for my fasting I need to take a break.Because I will be more calmer when I am fasting :) . No worries .

I noticed it's only been 2 weeks that i started college .But I realised over these couple of days im sad.
It's like just walking and like I have no expressions left.I also loosed weight I realised my tummy is flat I lost appetite in food. I also have no detailed feelings , perhaps I just dont feel like talking to them. Or probably that I replaced them with a slice of sweetness. Yes I miss sweet things. And it's starting to rot my heart and im  out of inspiration. I thought that sadness was just an expression and it did not effect my life due to my numbness. I also make my room smelly with my dirty clothes, dirty thoughts..I'm just not happy anymore , I don't think there is a cure . But my life has been quite miserable. Just imagine waking up at 5.30 am showered all clothes ironed.Than skip breakfast and some slice of happy time.It's like i'm having food hallucinations of burgers, cakes and nutty doughnuts. It's like those cravings become a daydream , i tasted those dreams turns out what i craved for was salty.Those dreams did not taste good at all. I'm not really focused anymore. And since I have'nt planned my happy time im just hopeless. Froget of those silly burgers and those silly cakes. Atleast I should been more thankful. But than these shopping online made my brain crave for cheese. It's like I desire something that i wont get. But this is what my reality is. I mean it's just hard to say I'm just not this college material anymore.And people like sharing selfies together , while people use instagram. I don't use instagram anymore because I dont really exist as friends there you know. I just feel like deleting all the pictures there.There's too much mess  there and  I dont have style there.Yes i'm complaining atleast this will make me happier.This is my New friend Mek'ah thesilly cat

i was so nervous yesterday seems that today everything went well.which is pretty cool .! i love today its like a better day than my underated yesterday when i was unhappy and depressed ...

so nervous about tomorow learning to use the industrial sewing machine my gosh :(
its like i havent opened my camera for a while now and i feel soo exhausted i didnt took a shower
my socks smell like cheese.I just hope i survive tomorow