Things I could never accomplished

     I wish i weighed less. 

                    I wish i finished college earlier.

                                                         I wish I could actually talk to a man that i could really understand.

                                       I wish that I was not bullied in highschool

        I wish I healed earlier

                       I wish I felt better back then.

               I wish i had more support

 

never sleeping at night anymore

Hi again welcome again if you are reading this...
I do not want to sleep at night anymore because i feel like there is an empty gap in mind
it is like there is something always missing . I am not lucky. But I do not know what to do anymore because I am crazy.

So anyway I still am lurking , dude life sucks but why do people keep being mean at me for no reason though. I forgot to change my profile picture . I think i will be posting more on my blogspot . I need to update my style. I relied alot on makeup lol. 😁. Hey anyway i think i want to loose more weight . People are so mean sometimes I really dont get why.Anyway people are being so rude to me . I really need to finish my intern book maybe i should do some coding too . I am so bored . I need to loose my weight you know i wonder if people still read my blogspot. 

Listen , I attracted alot of haters and I am starting to think that i need to express myself more with fashion . Work from seems weird though . I am scared if someone from college would read my blogspot , i want to keep this a secret with my friends. Maybe i could update on what im growing 🥬. I have been growing alot of stuff.

I CLOSE my eyes AND SEIZE IT ~ death grips

early birds

The early birds are chirping. I can not stop thinking about going to sleep , I have been ded ash

Things change way too fast

When things are not mainstream anymore. things were probably better back then and we wish we want that time back. I feel like social media is just a waste of time . Because I can not relate to other peoples achievements , In other words I am actually a looser. I feel more happier that I am far away from people who care too much. I feel more free as ever. But you know it's probably the same thing everyday. I want to do soo many things . Like organizing my trash, I feel like its very life changing. I am also staying away from friends. It is just because I have better things to do. I want to watch my seeds grow. I want to learn new things.Go offline stop caring about what others think . No more complaining just do . I am going to fill more things in life. I also want to keep recycling . Plant my own vegatables.

Anyway while people are being happy , You know . Does life become better, will i ever go back to college seems impossible. I need to move on . Because I have no choices. I dreamed I had too many long dreams, One time I painted the sea, I dreamed i drowned in my own painting. I no longer use instagram because I feel my privacy is long gone. I DO NOT want it anymore. I want to be free. I maybe a bad influence. But I have cried silently long enough , and my body craves attention and health. I do not need what others think. This is just same thing as playing dolls. I know people do not like it , But  I am much more happier alone.Music is ok . i actually have everything maybe I just have to leave forever. Because what if someone needs the things that they do not have . I feel non-existent

Why do people want to care too much anyway. Because as far as i know we do not need your opinion. I feel like i do not need soo much apps in my phone , Because phones are actually for emergency and receiving calls from family and the other important things.But Phones are actually garbage.I dont take pictures as much anymore , Because its not really important,Why do people even care what I am doing , Nosy people just really got to stay out of this.

why i hate my life

Everyone who is reading this . Everyone seems to hate me. Even I hate myself. Anyway the reason why I am making this is because I Do Not want to Vlog anymore. I noticed I keep attracting haters. I really do not like my family anymore. Why do they always tell me whats right. I think I actually lost my freedom. It's like I want to go far far far away from here. I find it hard to realise that everyone in my family is selfish. Why am I the one who is ignored. OMG

 someone joined me it is Benny!

People be like memes

More of making my life better

1.BEnny

2.Milo drink

sweet Nona is here too

:(

my room is a mess. more complaining nice. i wish i never met this person. i will tell who. But i guess you would already know. My life must be some lie. Maybe I should leave this life too. Non existent hmm.I wish things better, Keeps getting worse. But just stay cool and do not lit the fire. I do not like the word cool. But , you know how things are bit weird. I just have to keep being lazy in this mess. 
Maybe I should froget  FROG ET  

But i'm scared about future , because things would not be the same anymore, I feel like I would not be accepted by this . But the internet is not real anyway. It's just a projection of our reality. What if our real life is not even real. Born into this family. With all details. I know people do not think like me. But why do we wake up everyday. Death does not mean that , in reality we keep to continue. I  feel neglected by myself and made the bad choices. People are tired of my excuses anyway. I love failure. Now that I am no longer tidy person. My room has accomplished to a mess. Which is what i wanted in the first place. I am not stable. Why are rainbows sad , upside down smiles. But its just the same things I go through. My relationship will never last long anyway. I do not want to fall for it. But It never existed anyway. But of course I am lying. The truth is suppose to be private. Because we are imbaresed  idk how to spell 

Now that I think of it . I did not do anything. But Its just hard to say that . Nothing actually happend. Because Nothing is real. People only think its real because of majority people thinking the same way.
I also hate people swearing . I do not want to mix people with this. Some people are just not what i seem to like . Do you understand me ,. It's hard to say that I am not choosing the future.  But i did decide to do it. You wont understand me anyway. I do think majority of people will think the same.

Maybe he is hiding from me. Or just feels A N G E R Y  because i blocked him and does not wish to see me. But sometimes he feels like replying. I do not know anymore. I have not been through much relationships, Because I feel better alone. But now permanent markers just stay. Its like forever.
Maybe he does not like to be handled . I guess that is my bad. Jasper does not like being cat handled
I just want to ask you . But I guess you want to run away . I get it. If you leave that is ok tooo.


Im very stupid for making this decision and i hope things will burn away.   

My antisocial life gap.

Wow people hanging out with each other. Pretending that they single. blergh. what a waste of time. I
think that people just do not care about me. I rather not be fake friends. I also hate twitter. THAT PLACE IS MOST ANNOYING.